It has been a while since I tackled the world of manners. Not that it didn't need to be done – it was just that, I found myself overwhelmed with the many instances of injustices being done around the world against so many of our varying cultures.
What was even more incredulous to me was the number of times I read comments where folks thought it 'okay' to bash another. Just because their group was not front and center. Not nice, not nice at all I say.
Instead, I choose to remember the exquisite mannerisms of my grandmother (shown above), and how she would shrug her shoulders ever so gracefully and say with all sincerity, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." That one statement in and of itself, says a lot.
Wait a minute, what has this got to do with manners?
A lot. It has a whole lot to do with manners. Being mannerable is more than just knowing which fork to pick up during your meal, or how to pass food at the table. No ma'am and no sir, it means so much more. A display of good manners also means knowing what to say, how to say it, and when to say it.
I know what some of you may be thinking. Mind 'yo business, Ms. Manners Un-Posted! And you are absolutely correct. I should – which is exactly why I am reminding you to become more aware of what you say.
Sometimes you just have to remind people
There was a time when it was taken as a (supposed) joke to make someone the butt of a joke. Ha-ha, right? In case you missed the end of show credits over the last decade or so – it's not funny. Nor does it make you the standup comedian you thought yourself to be.
Instead, you come across as being insecure. I liken it to the 'throw the rock – hide your hand' ruse. If I throw the rock over there, then holy cow! – Everyone will look over there instead of at me. Just a reminder, it's called deflecting and yes, we still see you.
But, what if it reallllly needs to be said? I mean, what kind of friend would you be to not let your bestie know, "Yes, friend. Your butt does look big in those jeans." Well then...
The truth shall set you free (sorta)
Being mindful of the tone and context used in your verbal communication, as well as your nonverbal signals, will help to ensure what you say is delivered in a more pleasing manner.
Rolling your eyes much? Talk about a pet peeve. That is truly one of mine. When having a conversation with someone, whether you are on the end of the sender (Talker) or the receiver (Listener) – rolling your eyes is a dead give-away that you really don't give a ____ about the message.
Looking away, constantly checking your phone? You may as well just stop the conversation and say, please stop talking. You know I don't mean that, right? Right. Instead...
Read the room, sir (or ma'am). Read. The. Room.
In other words, know your audience. What may go over well around the private dinner table may not be viewed as humorous when said at a board meeting. Even worse, in front of a potential client.
Daily I see entrepreneurs; business professionals and those striving to build brands post tasteless jokes or personal opinions that are nothing short of being cringe-worthy in a work setting.
Should you remove it? Sure, you can. But, um...ever heard of a screenshot? Too late. To quote the guy in the insurance commercial, "You gotta be quicker than that!"
There is an audience for every topic under the sun. Before you say it or post it, make sure the message you convey is being presented to the proper audience.
Five minutes of your time for 5 simple points
1 - Minding your manners when conversing with others means you are actively engaged. Pay attention to what the other party is saying. Giving a nod or two, providing feedback to indicate you heard the speaker are just a few ways to be engaged.
2 - If you disagree with the point being made – hold onto your thoughts. Haven't you heard? It's rude to interrupt when someone is speaking. It's also a show of condescension as if what you have to say is much more important than the other.
3 – And while you're at it... for goodness sake! - try making eye contact when communicating with others. My Mom insists to this day that a person that can't or won't look you in the eye is probably lying to you. I can't say for certain that she is 100% correct, but I will admit – it does seem suspect.
(Now, don't go and get all creepy with it, okay? Let's not make it awkward. Geesh.)
4 – This one goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway. Put. Down. Your. Phone. In today's world of social media, we are glued to our devices like it's attached to our bodies. I sit and I watch as family members (even my 84-year-old mother!) constantly reach for their phones.
5 - Try to have an open mind when communicating with others outside your comfort zone. Take time to actually listen to someone from a different culture or community, and be interested enough to ask (tasteful) questions. Believe me, there is absolutely nothing more important in today's world than understanding one another.
Who knows, you just may learn something new; just remember, mind your manners and be graceful when you do.
(Images subject to copyright.)
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